Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
