oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My ass is underappreciated
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
