my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
