I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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