Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
