whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
