tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize