Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
