at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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