Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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