What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
