wanna go halves on a baby?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
