I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize