I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
