I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I smell like Dick and happiness
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
