I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
