Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
