Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
