Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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