why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
