I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
