How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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