I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
