Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
