I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
