We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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