Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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