he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize