Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
