remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
