aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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