he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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