Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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