he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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