so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
