i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
foreskin is a definite game changer
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm too high and old for this...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
