So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
