Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
