If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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