Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
