CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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