I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
