Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
