The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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