Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
