She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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