That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
