Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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