I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
