wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
